oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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