Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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