and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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