Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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