Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Are we still banned from the library?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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