dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
