It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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