Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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