i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
