Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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