my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Life is so much better after having sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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