So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
