I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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