You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
