PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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