Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
