today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
