im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
