Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
