never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
