Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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