I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if i died would you start the facebook group?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
