im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
