take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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