So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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