I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
