we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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