something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
