The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
