I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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