if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
