I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
