I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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