i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
