I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ok first of all what the fuck
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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