Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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