I think I can smell my own vagina right now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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