one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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