The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't like sucking hair
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
