If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
