he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
