Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
