I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
well you can't waste a boner
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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