her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Small penises have feelings too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
