i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
