Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
