My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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