if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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