Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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