First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dick has a subreddit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
