the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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