so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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