How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
