It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
