She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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